Boiling Blood | Why Do We Hate?
“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.” - Herman Hesse ¹
Novelist and poet Herman Hesse wrote these words in his coming of age classic, Demian. Hate, while typically viewed as a negative emotion, is sometimes good and even a justified feeling to have. Indeed, hating someone for a heinous act is a laudable, proper response, and even though we try to separate the act from the individual, our contempt for evildoers persists. Why are we disturbed by them yet also feel the need to express our hatred? Why do we lose stoic composure only to succumb to emotional grandeur? Perhaps it is to rid ourselves of thoughts so unthinkable that the only way to purge them is by hating those who make us think those thoughts in the first place—to forget.
Some would disagree with Hesse’s initial assertion, “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself.” One might ask themselves, what do I have in common with murderers and thieves? It would be insulting to suggest that one would have any similarities with such deplorable criminals. However, there is a distinction between what we think and what we would do based on those thoughts. Understanding how thought and action relate to hating another based on what we see in ourselves is essential in developing self-awareness and how evil can still permeate within oneself by disassociating yourself from those you see as different from you.
Consider your parents or whoever raised you when you were growing up. Often when we are young, we look up to them as heroes who can do no wrong. Sooner or later, though, as we grow older and become disillusioned by perfectionism, do we see their flaws rise to the surface. Passive aggressiveness, addiction, laziness, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and other behaviors which can manifest into violent crimes have the adverse effect of harming not only you but also your self-image. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and there are many sons and daughters who wish they were not part of their family’s tree at all. It makes sense, in this context, that when we hate our parents it because we see something in them that we see in ourselves. After all, we are them biologically—the same blood running through our veins—the same face we see in the mirror every single day.
Our common humanity allows us to empathize with each other—but that which binds us also can break us. Because of our shared humanness, our capacity for evil is only limited by our moral sensibilities upon which society agrees. The reason we hate moral transgressions is that each time someone does something depraved, they push the envelope for human cruelty even further. Despicable actions like child grooming or sexual abuse are considered the most hated of crimes because not only do they harm the innocent, they also change the moral standards of our current culture, reminding us of the darker aspects of human nature and where our future might be heading.
However, another reason we hate, which is often unrecognized, is the purging of negative emotions—a cathartic release. We hate because we are, to a greater or lesser degree, dissatisfied with our lives or with ourselves. Hating others allows us to vent rather than bottle up our raw emotions. It is why keyboard warriors will anonymously spew all manner of vitriol and diatribe online. It is why violent men will attack those who accidentally bump into them or even look at them in the wrong way. It is why gossipers spread rumors about their rivals regardless of whether they are true or not. Releasing one’s hatred requires expression, and the more repressed one’s feelings are, the uglier one’s actions become.
Hate without a healthy outlet is bound to manifest in nasty, unpredictable ways. Those who exhibit accusatory behaviors or who have pathological personalities tend to lack self-awareness and thus will hold onto their resentments of others by clinging onto narratives that justify their feelings. If someone they hate is crude, depraved, or discriminatory, then it gives them credence to act the same way in return, creating a positive feedback loop. It’s the old adage—an eye for an eye—and everybody gets one. Perhaps we hate a person not because of something we hate in ourselves, but rather something we fear in ourselves—that under different circumstances, we might be just as capable, if not more so, of committing the same crimes against humanity.
Therefore, hatred is a multidimensional emotion. It is not as simple as recognizing differences in someone or something and reacting negatively in response. Rather it is acknowledging similarities in others based on our shared humanity and reacting only when we've broken that human bond. In other words, we hate anyone who transgresses against humanity. But in order for us to conceive of a transgression, we must also sense that we too might be capable of the same transgression as well. It is why famed philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said:
“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster…” - Friedrich Nietzsche ²
Indeed, monsters are not what we see in films—grotesque creatures that go bump in the night—they are your neighbors, coworkers, friends, or in even more drastic cases—your own flesh and blood. Our blood boils because we don’t know how to adjust the flame of hatred, nor do we want to. There are too many repressed emotions and unrequited desires in the world that demand expression. If one cannot transmute their hatred into something that unites us rather than divides us, then hate will be co-opted for political purposes. Racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, misogyny, misandry are designed to fan the flames, not extinguish them, making it useful for Machiavellian personalities to utilize a divide and conquer strategy. Until we understand the WHY behind our hatred, we will never know HOW to respond when those feelings are triggered. If we want to stop hating, pride must give way to humility, self-righteousness must give way to self-awareness, and resentment must give way to forgiveness. Only then will we be able to come together and—in time—heal.
