Unseen Genes | Why Love Isn’t Blind
"It may be true that love is blind, but only for what is ugly: its sight is keen
enough for what is beautiful." - Ivan Panin¹
Love is a strange emotion. How could something so familiar also be so peculiar? Even the Ancient Greeks defined love by different classifications: agápe (love of God), éros (sexual love), philía (brotherly love), philautia (self-love), storgē (parental love), and xenia (hospitable love). Is love just complicated in all its distinct, subtle nuances? Or do we complicate love by making it more than it seems? We say love is blind because we ignore all the faults of those we long for, but what if we love not with our eyes—but with our genes.
For thousands of years, humans performed various mating rituals to attract prospective mates. While sexual signaling is different between men and women (men flaunt their status while women flaunt their physical appearance), both seek to attract the best possible mate. However, what makes a partner attractive is not always what makes them arousing. When someone arouses us, it triggers in us a spark of desire. Our brains become flooded with a chemical cocktail of dopamine and norepinephrine, inducing pleasurable emotions that make us euphoric. Our body reacts while our brains race to catch up. When we find someone attractive, it is because they have characteristics aligned with our long-term interests. In other words, attraction is for relationship potential, while arousal is for genetic potential.
Humans have primal impulses conducive to healthy gene propagation. We want sex because our biology influences us to procreate, and those desires set the conditions for love to develop. While sex and love are different, they feed into one another. Oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) generates pair bonding in humans. One study showed that men who fell under its spell have a preference for women whom they’ve developed strong social bonds with, while women they didn’t know had little to no effect.² Women produce oxytocin at higher levels than men, which means they have a more difficult time separating the emotional investment of love from the physical act of sex. It is, therefore, reasonable to assume that women who engage in promiscuous sex will have issues keeping a healthy long-term relationship.
Although these disparities between men and women exist, the goal remains the same: to be fruitful and multiply. But to ensure healthy offspring en masse, both men and women must employ mating strategies that prioritize their innate biological interests. Men want to spread their genes but also want to ensure their paternity. Women want the best genes but also want to ensure their security. This dynamic also explains why men desire sexual novelty yet sanction women’s sexual agency and why women want high-status males yet expect unwavering loyalty from them. Arousal is a biological phenomenon, while attraction is a choice. Thus, the goal for every man and woman is to find someone who is both arousing and attractive.
So, how do our genes determine who else's genes are worthy of procreation? If you’re a heterosexual man, there are universal indicators of good genes in women. Across all cultures, men desire neotenous features. Neoteny is the retained youthful characteristic in adults, which includes big eyes, small noses, small jaws, and a hairless appearance.³ Men also prefer women with wide hips, which aid in birthing. A 2010 study noted that blind men from Western societies prefer women with a low waist-to-hip ratio. Despite having no visual input, they could still detect which women were more physically appealing.⁴ There is also some evidence to suggest that hip fat, which contains polyunsaturated fatty acids, positively affects the neurodevelopment of babies in the womb. Children with mothers who have low waist-to-hip ratios score significantly higher on cognitive tests.⁵
Women also have tools to detect superior genes in men, specifically their noses. In one scientific study, men were instructed to wear T-shirts for two days. Women at or near ovulation and not on birth control were asked to sniff the two-day T-shirts to determine the most pleasant-smelling shirt. It turns out they favored the shirts worn by men with the least amount of fluctuating asymmetry, meaning they had fewer deviations from bilateral symmetry, thus looking more aesthetically pleasing to the eye.⁶ Women also prefer men who are tall, or at the very least, taller than them. A study on couple’s height differences using probability theory showed that only 1 out of 720 couples had a woman taller than her male partner.⁷ Likely, this is due to the common psychological belief that a taller man is a better protector, fulfilling women’s instinct for security.
While love might lose some of its cosmic allure, given these observations, it doesn’t mean that love is biologically determined. If anything, it will give you a clearer understanding of how attraction works and make you self-aware of your desires. Your genes influence your actions, but they do not dictate them. Remember, genetic deficiencies do not equate to never finding love. In the same way, genetic advantages do not equate to always finding love. Your outlook on life and your relationship with yourself will have a much greater impact on your love life overall. Bear this in mind, and not only will you find love, but love will also find you—no matter how good, bad, or ugly your genes are.
